oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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