Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I love you.
Bad choice
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
