I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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