There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
