i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
