Pappa wants mamma naked
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
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