who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
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