i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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