If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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