Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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