I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
