i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize