You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
