So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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