this boner is exhausting
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Randomize
