I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
