There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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