You surviving the open bar?
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Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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