I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Randomize
