I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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