Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
