I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
