my phone needs a breathalizer
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
