my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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