mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
