im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
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