We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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