The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
