no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
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Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
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My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
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