the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
