You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
