You surviving the open bar?
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I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I could fuck to npr.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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