god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
sick fucks of a feather flock together
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
