what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Randomize
