My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Did you pee in the oven last night??
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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