her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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