You're so nebulous sometimes
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
my liver is dry heaving
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
