I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
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