did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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