trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
