I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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