Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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