Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
