you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
