I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
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