420 ftw
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
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