My room smells like vodka and shame
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
