I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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