I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
