It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
