no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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