Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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