It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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