Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
