you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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