she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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