she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
