she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
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