I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
