Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
