yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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