Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize