i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
