I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
