I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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