I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
