I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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