Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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