Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
21 Of The Most Regrettable Tattoo Ideas Ever
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.