Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married