Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"