If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back