remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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