their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
only you would photoshop your dick
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Randomize
