do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
These 19 Teachers Had Very Inappropriate Interactions With Students
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Women Confess 25 Instant Deal-Breakers On A Man’s Dating Profile
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
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