new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I'm like, not good at living.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
