I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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