oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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