youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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