Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
