Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
