Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
