it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
