Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
