Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Just puked most of my soul out..
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