I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
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